What's my Problem?

To write or not to write...that's the question and the problem.

Here's the deal-I love writing.  I love reading.  I love to read books about writing.  But the problem is...I never seem to actually write.  Actually, that's not true, I write a lot, but I don't ever seem to write in the same story more than a few times before I get another idea and move away from the first idea.  Then I work on the second idea for like, a day, and then get a third idea and that one becomes more interesting than the first two and then the fourth idea will come to be in a dream and, wait, that's even more interesting!...and the cycle continues.  It's like having ADD for writing...

It's frustrating and annoying and I hate it.  But at the same time, I enjoy it because it just proves to me that I have an active imagination.  Which would be better if I could just put all down on paper and actually finish a book.

So I have hundreds of potential stories saved on my desktop and laptop, complete with plot and character descriptions.  But I have no story.  I try, sometimes, but I have a problem writing the beginning, or I get bored with the beginning and want to write the scenes I see playing out in my head.  That's when things begin to go downhill.  And in the end I'm stuck with a plot summary, character descriptions and a few short paragraphs, but no actual story. 

There have been a few exceptions-one being a sci-fi story I was really into.  I actually handwrote about 200 pages, and typed them up just so I could see what I had written.  This led me to realize that the story was interesting, albeit a little boring and even confusing at parts.  So I made some notes, and made a timeline and tried to liven it up a bit.  It sort of worked, but then I got another idea for another story and that sci-fi one has been put aside.  I pick it up occasionally, look it over and sigh, thinking, 'who would read this crap?'  Which is probably me just being too hard on myself, but still. 

Maybe I'm being too hard on myself and that's why I never finish anything.  Maybe I don't think my stuff is good.  Well, some of it is better than other stuff.  I have one story that I keep going back to (which is a good sign, I think), that I think is interesting and exciting, but I'm stuck and have no idea where I'm going with it...well, I do, but I don't know how to make it all work...it's all very frustrating.

Some other problems arise because I tend to find myself unmotivated to write.  Or I open Word and then get distracted by something else-usually a computer game or how dirty the house is, etc.  I do pretty well when I hand write things, but my right wrist has been acting strangely lately, flaring up with weird pain and then subsiding...it's making it difficult to write for long periods of time like I used to. 

Sometimes I do another type of writing-fanfiction.  Which is taking a TV show/movie/book series/cartoon/video game-taking their characters and writing them into a storyline you would like to see them in.  I do it a lot with shows like Star Trek or Firefly.  I get conflicted about this, though.  I love it because it's fun to write, but I hate it because, well, it's not essentially my story.  They're not my characters, even if I put them into situations that are my idea.  I have two friends who see this as very different-one says that hey, as long as I'm writing, who cares what you're writing, and another tells me that it's a very stupid thing to do and it's kind of ripping off the creators of those shows, etc, and should focus on my own stuff.  I can see both their points, but I still sometimes dabble in it, to at least feel like I'm writing something.

I think this is coming to a head now because I can feel my time of not having to work slowly drawing to a close.  If Ben goes to Afghanistan in March or April next year, I will be moving back to WA and start looking for a house and a job.  If he doesn't, I have another year to sit around and stare at the computer screen.  Either way, once Ben is out of the Army, I need to start looking for a job (which I actually do miss working-weird, I know), which will cut into all this free time of having the opportunity to write for hours uninterrupted (you know...if I ever get over myself and actually do it...). 

I love writing.  I'm just not sure if it's what I'm meant to do anymore....